You can be calm, capable and deeply self-aware in almost every area of your life, yet find yourself freezing when it's time to send an invoice, raise your fees, open your banking app or make a financial decision.
It's a strange experience, isn't it?
You know what needs to happen.
You may even know why you're avoiding it.
And still, something inside you doesn't seem willing to cooperate.
For many women in midlife, particularly therapists, healthcare professionals and other caring professionals, money stress doesn't necessarily look dramatic from the outside.
It can look like undercharging, overgiving, compulsive saving, avoiding your accounts, staying in work that drains you or feeling guilty when you spend money on yourself.
You might be financially secure and still struggle to feel safe enough.
Or you might be dealing with genuine financial pressure while also carrying shame, fear or responsibility that makes everything harder.
I don't believe these experiences can always be explained by poor money habits or a lack of confidence.
Sometimes money becomes the place where older relational patterns show up.
And sometimes those patterns are connected with experiences that can be explored through EMDR therapy.
In my work, I'm particularly interested in Relational-Integrative EMDR (RI-EMDR), alongside approaches such as the Flash Technique, because money difficulties often involve more than an isolated memory or belief.
They can involve attachment, family history, protective parts, cultural expectations, ethical questions and the complicated experience of receiving from other people.
Let's explore how that works.
1. What Does EMDR for Money Trauma Actually Mean?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.
It's an evidence-based psychotherapy used to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Rather than relying only on talking through an experience, EMDR involves identifying distressing memories and their associated thoughts, emotions and body responses, then using a structured process that includes bilateral stimulation.
This often involves guided eye movements, although alternating taps or sounds may also be used.
The aim is to help distressing experiences become less emotionally disruptive and more integrated into the person's understanding of their life.
EMDR doesn't erase memories.
And it doesn't mean that every uncomfortable reaction is evidence of trauma.
The strongest research supporting EMDR concerns PTSD. For example, the UK's National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) recommends EMDR for adults with PTSD in specified circumstances.
Applying EMDR to money-related distress is a clinical extension of that work, not a separately established treatment for a diagnosis called “money trauma”.
That's an important distinction.
In practice, the focus might be a distressing financial event, such as bankruptcy, financial abuse, a significant loss or a period when basic needs weren't secure.
But it might also be an experience that wasn't obviously about money.
Perhaps you were criticised for asking for something.
Perhaps needing support felt dangerous.
Perhaps love and approval were linked with being useful.
Perhaps you learned that being independent meant never relying on anybody.
Those experiences can shape what happens when you need to ask, receive, negotiate or depend on someone financially.
Practical reflection: Rather than asking only, “Why am I bad with money?”, try asking, “What does this particular money situation mean to me?”
2. Why Money Trauma Is Often Relational, Not Just Financial
Here's where I think the conversation becomes much more interesting.
Money is a relationship.
We exchange it with other people.
We ask for it.
Receive it.
Give it away.
Withhold it.
Depend on it.
Use it to care for others.
Sometimes experience it as a source of control.
And we attach meaning to what those exchanges say about us.
For a therapist, raising a fee may bring up far more than a business decision.
It might raise questions such as:
Will they still like me?
Am I taking too much?
What if they can't afford it?
What if they leave?
Does being a caring person mean I should charge less?
Can I receive without giving something extra?
The stated problem might be pricing.
But the emotional experience could be about belonging, responsibility, rejection, power or worth.
Sometimes relational patterns show up wearing a money costume.
This connects with the work of financial psychologist Brad Klontz and colleagues, who describe money scripts as beliefs about money that often develop through childhood experiences and family or cultural messages.
In a study involving 422 participants, Klontz and Sonya Britt identified associations between money scripts and financial behaviours, including financial avoidance, dependence, compulsive buying and workaholism.
One finding is particularly relevant to caring professionals: mental health professionals scored significantly higher on money-avoidance beliefs than financial advisers.
You can read their research in the Journal of Financial Planning.
That doesn't mean therapists are inherently uncomfortable with money.
But it does suggest that professional insight into human behaviour doesn't automatically resolve our own financial beliefs.
And knowing your money script doesn't necessarily mean the associated response will change.
Practical reflection: Notice whether your most difficult money moments happen when you're alone with numbers or when another person's needs, expectations or possible judgement enter the picture.
3. How RI-EMDR Works With Money, Attachment and Protective Parts
This is where Relational-Integrative EMDR (RI-EMDR) becomes especially relevant to the way I work.
RI-EMDR builds on the established EMDR framework while placing particular emphasis on the therapeutic relationship, attachment, parts, embodied experience and the wider systems in which a person's experiences have developed.
The approach was developed by Michele Bowes and Amy English and is taught through SEVA Training in Australia.
I appreciate this relational approach because money difficulties rarely exist in isolation.
A woman who struggles to charge appropriately may have a part of her that understands the financial reality of running a practice.
Another part may be frightened of disappointing someone.
Another may feel angry about years of underpayment.
And another may believe that receiving money for caring work is morally uncomfortable.
Those responses can coexist.
The goal isn't to identify one part as irrational and make it disappear.
It's to become curious about what each response is trying to do.
When the protective response has a history
Imagine someone who repeatedly undercharges.
She knows her fees don't cover the time, training, supervision, administration and emotional labour involved in her work.
She has done the calculations.
She's attended business workshops.
She has written the new fee schedule.
And still, when a client asks about the price, she offers a discount.
A purely practical approach might focus on pricing strategy.
That could be useful.
But a relational approach might also explore:
What happens between you and the other person when you name your fee?
What do you imagine they will feel?
What happens inside you if they are disappointed?
Does that feeling remind you of an earlier relationship?
What is the part offering the discount trying to protect?
Perhaps the pattern developed in a family where keeping everyone happy was essential.
Perhaps conflict felt unsafe.
Perhaps receiving support always came with obligations.
Perhaps none of those explanations fits.
The point is not to impose a story.
It's to follow the person's actual experience.
Why the relationship with the therapist matters
If someone's money history includes criticism, control, coercion or shame, therapy shouldn't repeat those dynamics.
RI-EMDR places importance on the relationship between therapist and client, including the client's capacity to pause, express uncertainty and remain involved in decisions about the work.
Safe enough doesn't mean perfectly comfortable.
It means there is enough collaboration, choice and support for meaningful work to happen without treating overwhelm as proof of progress.
The specific RI-EMDR framework is not independently supported by the same level of clinical trial evidence as standard EMDR for PTSD. I see it as an integrative way of applying EMDR principles, not as a separately proven treatment for financial trauma.
Practical reflection: When you feel stuck around money, ask, “What might this response be protecting me from experiencing with another person?”
4. Where the Flash Technique May Fit
Sometimes even approaching a distressing memory feels like too much.
Perhaps there's a financial event you know still affects you.
A period of severe deprivation.
A humiliating conversation.
An experience of financial control.
A debt crisis.
A moment when you felt trapped or powerless.
You might know the memory is there but feel reluctant to revisit it.
That's understandable.
One approach that may be considered in this situation is the Flash Technique.
Developed by Philip Manfield, the Flash Technique is a therapeutic procedure designed to help reduce the disturbance associated with distressing memories while minimising the need to focus directly on the upsetting material.
It is often used by EMDR-trained clinicians, although it is not the same as standard EMDR processing.
In a Flash Technique procedure, the therapist helps the person engage with a positive or absorbing focus while using a structured process intended to reduce the disturbance linked with a selected memory.
The person doesn't have to describe every detail of the event.
And the approach isn't based on forcing someone to remain immersed in distress.
That can be particularly appealing to people who are already accustomed to pushing themselves too hard.
What does the Flash Technique research show?
A 2024 paper by Manfield and colleagues reported four preliminary studies involving 654 participants and 813 Flash Technique sessions.
The researchers found substantial average reductions in participants' ratings of disturbance associated with selected memories.
These findings are encouraging, but the studies used repeated-measures designs rather than providing definitive evidence from large, rigorous controlled trials.
They also did not establish the Flash Technique as a treatment specifically for money trauma.
So I wouldn't describe Flash as a guaranteed way to clear financial memories.
I would describe it as a promising additional clinical option that may help some people approach highly distressing material more gently.
Whether it is appropriate depends on the person, the memory, their current circumstances and the therapist's training and assessment.
Practical reflection: If you are considering trauma therapy, it's reasonable to ask a therapist how they approach memories that feel too overwhelming to discuss directly. You don't need to disclose every detail in an initial conversation.
5. EMDR for Money Trauma Can Address the Past, Present and Future
One of the strengths of standard EMDR is its three-pronged approach.
This means therapy can consider:
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Past experiences that may have contributed to the current difficulty.
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Present triggers that continue to activate distress.
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Future situations where you want to respond differently.
I find this particularly useful when thinking about money.
Past: Where did this meaning develop?
Perhaps money was associated with fear, criticism or uncertainty.
Perhaps you witnessed a parent carrying enormous financial responsibility.
Perhaps you experienced financial abuse or a significant loss.
Perhaps your family had very strong rules about earning, spending, class or success.
Or perhaps you learned that your needs were inconvenient, and money became one more area where you tried not to ask for too much.
We might explore whether particular memories are connected with the present-day response.
But we don't assume there must be one defining event.
Present: What happens when money enters the room now?
Perhaps you feel physically sick when you open your accounts.
Perhaps you become unusually compliant during fee conversations.
Perhaps receiving payment creates guilt.
Perhaps you avoid checking your superannuation.
Perhaps you overwork because slowing down feels financially dangerous.
EMDR may help address distress associated with specific present-day triggers, particularly where they connect with earlier experiences.
Practical support may also be needed.
For example, reducing the emotional charge around opening a banking app doesn't replace the need to understand what the numbers mean.
Future: How do you want to show up differently?
EMDR isn't only about looking backwards.
Its future-oriented work can help a person prepare for situations they want to approach with greater confidence and flexibility.
That might include:
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naming a considered fee
-
having a difficult financial conversation
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checking accounts without immediately spiralling
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negotiating a contract
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setting a boundary around unpaid work
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receiving money without automatically overgiving
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making a values-aligned financial decision
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taking time off without treating rest as a threat
In EMDR, a future template can involve imagining how you would ideally think, feel and respond in a situation that previously felt difficult.
The aim isn't to become fearless or perfectly calm.
It's to have more access to your existing capacities when they matter.
Practical reflection: Identify one specific future money moment you'd like to approach differently. Make it concrete: “I want to be able to send an invoice without apologising for the amount.”
6. Money Trauma Can Be Intergenerational, Cultural and Structural
I think it's important not to make money trauma smaller than it really is.
Some money patterns emerge through individual experiences.
Others are shaped by relationships and family systems.
And some sit within much wider histories.
Families and communities have experienced poverty, displacement, war, colonisation, discrimination, dispossession, financial exclusion and restrictions on who could earn, own or control money.
Those experiences can influence later generations through family stories, opportunities, losses, expectations, silence and social conditions.
We don't need to claim that ancestral trauma is literally stored unchanged in the body to recognise that history can shape a person's relationship with money.
A woman might feel uncomfortable earning more than her parents.
A practitioner might struggle with the ethics of charging for care.
Someone whose family experienced deprivation might find it difficult to spend even when they have adequate savings.
A person whose access to money was controlled by a partner may feel alarm when financial decisions involve another person.
And someone living with current financial insecurity may be responding appropriately to real circumstances.
These situations require different responses.
Not every financial difficulty needs trauma processing
This distinction matters.
If you're underpaid, the problem may be your workplace.
If you can't meet essential expenses, you may need immediate practical support.
If you're dealing with coercive financial control, safety and specialist assistance may need to come before trauma processing.
If your business isn't financially sustainable, you may need accounting or business advice.
And if you feel ethically uncomfortable with a way of earning money, that discomfort may reflect your values rather than a psychological block.
Therapy should never turn structural financial problems into personal failures of regulation.
RI-EMDR may provide space to explore the emotional and relational dimensions of money, but it doesn't replace financial advice, legal support or changes to unjust circumstances.
Practical reflection: Ask two separate questions: “What practical financial problem needs attention?” and “What emotional or relational response is making that problem harder to address?”
Both deserve care.
7. What Might an RI-EMDR Money Session Actually Feel Like?
Often, the work is quieter than people expect.
You don't have to arrive with a perfectly organised story.
You don't need to know exactly which childhood experience caused your difficulty.
And you don't have to prove that your money problem is serious enough to deserve attention.
We might begin with something simple:
“I know I need to increase my fees, but I freeze every time I try.”
Or:
“I earn enough, but I can't stop worrying that it will disappear.”
Or:
“I feel guilty receiving money for work I care about.”
Or:
“I can't open my accounts without feeling ashamed.”
We would begin by understanding what is happening now.
That includes the practical circumstances, not just the emotional response.
From there, we might explore relevant memories, beliefs, sensations, relational experiences or protective parts.
Preparation and resourcing are part of the process.
If EMDR processing is appropriate, bilateral stimulation may be used while working with selected material.
If a memory feels especially difficult to approach, the Flash Technique may be considered as one possible option.
At other times, the most useful work may be relational, reflective or focused on developing resources and capacity.
There isn't a requirement to use every technique.
The deeper shift isn't always about money
Sometimes a person begins therapy wanting to raise their fees.
And the work brings them into contact with a much older question:
Am I allowed to have needs?
Can I disappoint someone and remain connected?
Can I receive without owing more?
Can I be successful without losing belonging?
Can I rest without proving I've earned it?
Can I be cared for without first being useful?
Those questions may not be resolved through a spreadsheet.
But a spreadsheet may still be part of what helps.
For me, the goal is to make room for both.
Practical reflection: Consider what a meaningful change would look like in everyday life. Not “I will never feel anxious about money again,” but perhaps “I can stay present long enough to make a considered decision.”
What Can EMDR for Money Trauma Help With ~ and What Can't It Do?
EMDR may be useful when money-related distress is connected with upsetting memories, entrenched beliefs or responses that feel disproportionate to the present situation.
A relational approach can also help explore the interpersonal meanings attached to money, including responsibility, worth, receiving and boundaries.
The Flash Technique may offer another way of approaching certain distressing memories when clinically appropriate.
But none of these approaches can guarantee that financial anxiety will disappear.
They cannot remove genuine economic uncertainty.
They cannot determine the right fee for your practice.
And they cannot replace practical support with debt, budgeting, legal issues or financial safety.
The evidence also needs to be kept in perspective.
Standard EMDR has a substantial evidence base for PTSD.
RI-EMDR is an integrative clinical framework rather than a separately established treatment for money trauma.
The Flash Technique has promising preliminary research, but further high-quality studies are needed.
And EMDR specifically for money trauma remains an emerging clinical application, not a treatment supported by large money-specific trials.
That doesn't mean we can't work thoughtfully with money-related material.
It means we should do so without promising outcomes that the research hasn't established.
Frequently Asked Questions About EMDR for Money Trauma
Can EMDR help with financial anxiety?
It may help when financial anxiety is connected with distressing experiences or memories that continue to affect how you respond to money.
However, not all financial anxiety is trauma-related. Practical financial pressures, uncertainty and current circumstances also need to be considered.
What is RI-EMDR?
Relational-Integrative EMDR is an approach that integrates EMDR with particular attention to attachment, protective parts, body awareness and the therapeutic relationship.
I find it especially relevant when a person's money difficulties are intertwined with relationships, responsibility, receiving or self-worth.
Is the Flash Technique the same as EMDR?
No.
The Flash Technique is a distinct procedure often used by EMDR-trained clinicians to help reduce disturbance associated with selected memories while limiting direct exposure to upsetting material.
It has a developing research base but should not be presented as identical to standard EMDR.
Do I need to have PTSD to explore money trauma with EMDR?
No.
A person may experience distressing money-related patterns without meeting the criteria for PTSD.
Whether EMDR is appropriate depends on an individual assessment, the nature of the difficulty and the therapist's training.
Can RI-EMDR help me stop undercharging?
It may help you explore emotional and relational responses associated with naming or receiving a fee.
That might include fear of rejection, guilt, shame or a longstanding tendency to prioritise other people's needs.
It won't tell you what to charge. Pricing still needs to account for your costs, expertise, circumstances and values.
What if I don't remember a specific money trauma?
You don't need to arrive with a clear memory or a theory about what caused your response.
Therapy can begin with a present-day difficulty and explore what is relevant without assuming that a hidden traumatic event must exist.
Can EMDR also help me prepare for future money situations?
Yes. Standard EMDR includes future-oriented work.
For example, a future template may help you prepare to approach a fee conversation, financial review or other challenging situation with greater confidence and choice.
That work can complement, rather than replace, practical preparation.
Maybe the Goal Isn't to Feel Perfectly Safe With Money
Money will probably always matter.
There will still be decisions to make.
Bills to pay.
Conversations to have.
Uncertainty to navigate.
And sometimes real financial pressure to respond to.
I don't think healing means becoming someone who never feels uncomfortable about money.
I'm more interested in whether you can remain connected to yourself when money becomes difficult.
Whether you can notice a familiar response without immediately obeying it.
Whether you can ask for fair payment without treating someone else's disappointment as proof that you've done something wrong.
Whether you can receive without overgiving.
Whether you can make decisions that reflect your circumstances and values, rather than only an old fear.
And whether you can recognise that a pattern may once have made sense without assuming it must always decide what happens next.
The aim isn't perfect financial confidence. It's more choice, more self-trust and a relationship with money that feels safe enough to live inside.
Ready to Explore What's Happening Underneath the Numbers?
If you're recognising yourself in these patterns and you're tired of having the same internal conversation whenever money comes up, we can explore what's happening underneath the numbers.
My approach draws on Relational-Integrative EMDR, parts-informed and somatic work, with the Flash Technique considered where appropriate.
Sometimes the work involves processing distressing experiences.
Sometimes it involves understanding relational patterns.
Sometimes it means strengthening your capacity to approach a future financial situation differently.
And sometimes the next step is practical support rather than trauma therapy.
A 30-minute Let's Connect Session gives us space to talk about what you're experiencing and consider a safe enough next step.
Investment: $97 AUD
Online | 30 minutes
