You can be capable, highly trained and genuinely good at holding space for other people — and still feel your chest tighten when you open your banking app.
You can earn a reasonable income and still avoid looking at the numbers.
You can be the steady one, the dependable one, the person everyone else leans on, while privately feeling shame, dread or a quiet kind of panic when money comes up.
And perhaps the most frustrating part is that you already know what you need to do.
Send the invoice.
Review your fees.
Open the account.
Have the conversation.
Take the day off.
Yet knowing doesn't always translate into doing.
Sometimes the difficulty isn't a lack of financial knowledge. It's the meaning money has acquired through your experiences and relationships.
I think of money as more than a practical resource.
It's also a relationship.
We earn it, give it, receive it, ask for it, depend on it and make decisions about it with other people.
And like any relationship, our experience of money can be shaped by what happened before.
For some women, particularly those in midlife and caring professions, financial anxiety is connected with longstanding patterns of responsibility, overgiving, fear, shame or having to manage everything alone.
That's where money trauma therapy may offer a different way of understanding what's happening.
Not as another method of fixing your mindset.
Not as a promise that you'll become wealthy or never worry about money again.
But as an opportunity to understand the experiences, beliefs and protective responses that influence how you relate to money — and to develop more choice.
1. When Knowing What to Do Doesn't Change How Money Feels
There's a particular frustration that comes with being highly self-aware and still finding yourself caught in the same pattern.
You understand your finances.
You know your work has value.
You recognise that your fee is reasonable.
You can identify the belief that says you shouldn't need so much.
You may even know exactly where that belief came from.
And still, when the moment arrives, something changes.
Your throat tightens.
You hesitate.
You offer a discount.
You put off the invoice.
Or you tell yourself you'll look at the accounts tomorrow.
This is why I don't automatically approach money difficulties as a problem of discipline.
Financial behaviour isn't determined by knowledge alone.
Financial psychologist Brad Klontz and researcher Sonya Britt explored this in their 2012 study of money scripts and financial behaviour.
Money scripts are beliefs about money that often develop early in life and can be influenced by family and culture.
In their study of 422 participants, different money-script patterns were associated with behaviours including financial avoidance, compulsive buying, financial dependence and workaholism.
One finding particularly interests me: mental health professionals scored significantly higher on money-avoidance beliefs than financial advisers.
You can read the research in the Journal of Financial Planning.
That finding doesn't explain every therapist's relationship with money.
But it does challenge the assumption that understanding human behaviour means we're immune to our own financial patterns.
Sometimes insight is the beginning of change, not the whole process.
A gentle place to begin: The next time you avoid a money task, ask yourself, “What happens inside me at the moment I decide not to do this?”
Notice what you feel before you try to change anything.
2. Why Money Can Carry More Than Numbers
Money doesn't exist in a vacuum.
It moves between people.
And the way we relate to it can reflect what we've learned about connection, responsibility, power and belonging.
This is particularly visible in caring professions.
A therapist might feel comfortable providing an additional twenty minutes of unpaid support but uncomfortable charging a fee that reflects the actual cost of running a practice.
A healthcare professional might repeatedly put other people's needs ahead of her own financial security.
A woman who has spent years managing family responsibilities might feel guilty when she begins earning more, receiving support or spending money on herself.
The practical issue may be a fee, a purchase or a bank balance.
But the deeper question may be:
What happens to my relationships when I allow myself to receive?
That's why I often say that relational patterns can turn up wearing a money costume.
The family stories we carry
You may have grown up hearing:
Money doesn't grow on trees.
Don't get too big for your boots.
People like us don't have that kind of money.
You have to work hard for everything.
Rich people are greedy.
Never rely on anyone financially.
Or perhaps nobody said those things.
You simply watched.
You watched someone worry about bills.
Someone sacrifice their own needs.
Someone control the household money.
Someone work constantly.
Someone become resentful when asked for help.
Someone lose financial independence.
You don't have to consciously agree with those messages for them to influence your expectations.
And the story may reach beyond one generation.
Poverty, migration, discrimination, dispossession, war, financial exclusion and gendered restrictions on earning or owning money can shape the circumstances families live within.
Those histories can influence later generations through stories, opportunities, losses, parenting and cultural expectations.
We don't need to claim that trauma is literally stored unchanged across generations to recognise those influences.
A gentle place to begin: When you imagine having more money, charging more or receiving more support, whose reaction do you find yourself anticipating?
Sometimes that question opens up a relationship you hadn't realised was part of the financial decision.
3. Why I Became Interested in Body-Oriented Trauma Therapy
My understanding of trauma has been shaped by professional training and lived experience.
I have known how complicated it can be when mental health, family responsibility and the pressure to keep things steady become intertwined.
Those experiences left me curious about the limits of approaches that focus primarily on symptoms, thoughts and behaviour.
What else might be helpful when someone understands their difficulty but continues to experience it?
In March 2023, I attended the two-day live professional training The Body Keeps the Score: Trauma, Attachment and Neuroscience with Bessel van der Kolk, delivered in Melbourne through Byron Clinic Ltd.
That training helped consolidate my interest in approaches that pay attention to embodied experience, relationships and the ways people respond to distress.
Van der Kolk's book, The Body Keeps the Score, brought widespread attention to the relationship between trauma, memory, emotion, the body and relationships.
Another influence has been Dr Gabor Maté, whose book The Myth of Normal, written with Daniel Maté, invites us to consider how suffering is shaped by personal experiences, relationships and social conditions.
I value the questions these thinkers raise.
What happened around a person?
What did they have to adapt to?
What helped them cope?
And what might they need now?
Their work has influenced my clinical perspective, although not every claim made within these broader trauma frameworks is established by research.
I also don't see body-oriented therapy as a replacement for medication, evidence-based psychological treatment or other forms of healthcare.
For me, the important shift was towards a more integrated understanding of the person.
Not choosing the body over the mind.
Not assuming trauma explains everything.
But recognising that sometimes the way we respond to money involves more than the story we can consciously tell.
A gentle place to begin: Think of a money situation that feels difficult. Notice whether your experience includes thoughts, emotions, sensations, memories or expectations about other people.
You don't need to interpret any of it immediately.
4. Safe Enough With Money: Finding Steadiness Before Forcing Action
When money feels threatening, the usual advice is often to become more organised.
Make a budget.
Open the spreadsheet.
Set a deadline.
Be disciplined.
Those things may be useful.
But what if the task itself brings up so much distress that you struggle to begin?
This is where the first part of my Enoughness framework ~ Safe Enough With Money ~ becomes relevant.
The question changes from:
“How do I make myself do this?”
to:
“What would help me feel safe enough to take one next step?”
I have known moments when a money-related decision felt much bigger than the practical task in front of me.
Grief, responsibility, uncertainty and the pressure to get things right can all become entangled with financial decisions.
I've learned that practical competence doesn't automatically create emotional steadiness.
And sometimes trying harder only adds more pressure.
What safe enough might look like
Safe enough doesn't mean waiting until you feel completely calm.
It might mean:
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Looking at one financial document rather than the entire pile.
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Having a supportive person nearby while you complete a difficult task.
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Taking a pause before responding to an upsetting email.
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Noticing when you're becoming overwhelmed and allowing yourself to stop.
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Breaking a financial decision into smaller, manageable steps.
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Seeking qualified advice when the decision is outside your expertise.
A trauma-informed approach may also help you understand why certain money situations activate strong responses.
For some people, approaches such as EMDR or Brainspotting may be relevant when distressing memories or experiences are contributing to the difficulty.
Standard EMDR has an established evidence base for PTSD, including recognition in the NICE clinical guidelines.
Brainspotting has a smaller, emerging research base.
Neither approach has a well-established body of clinical trials specifically demonstrating effectiveness for money trauma.
The aim is to choose support appropriate to your needs rather than assuming a particular modality is the answer.
Try this: The Safe Enough pause
The next time a money task feels overwhelming:
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Name the task without judging yourself: “I need to look at this bill.”
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Notice what happens as you think about it.
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Ask: “What would make this manageable enough to begin?”
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Choose one small action.
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Pause afterwards and notice what helped.
Sometimes that is enough for today.
Sometimes the practical situation is urgent and requires additional support.
Both can be true.
Safe enough with money means you don't have to solve everything while overwhelmed.
5. Good Enough With Money: Releasing the Responsible-One Role
There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from being the person who holds everything together.
You think ahead.
You manage the details.
You anticipate problems.
You remember what everyone else needs.
And when something goes wrong, you feel responsible for fixing it.
For many women, that role extends into money.
You might manage the household finances, absorb unexpected costs, cover someone else's shortfall or take on more work because others are depending on you.
Being responsible can be a strength.
But being responsible is not the same as being responsible for everything.
This is the heart of Good Enough With Money.
It's not about lowering your standards or avoiding your obligations.
It's about recognising where responsibility has become fused with identity.
If I don't manage it, everything will fall apart.
If someone is disappointed, I haven't done enough.
If I need help, I'm failing.
If I rest, I'm letting someone down.
These beliefs can become particularly powerful when you've spent years caring for others.
And they can make money decisions feel emotionally loaded.
When doing more stops helping
Sometimes the instinct to work harder is understandable.
More work might genuinely increase income.
But if you're already exhausted, more work may also create additional costs.
You might lose time for rest.
Delay important decisions.
Become resentful.
Or remain in an arrangement that isn't sustainable.
The question isn't always whether you can do more.
It's whether doing more is actually the right response.
Try this: The Good Enough responsibility check
When a money-related responsibility feels heavy, ask:
What is genuinely mine to manage?
What belongs to someone else?
What requires professional advice?
What could be shared, delegated or delayed?
What would a good-enough response look like, rather than a perfect one?
You might still decide to take responsibility.
But ideally, it becomes a choice rather than an automatic requirement to carry everything.
Good enough with money means being dependable without becoming responsible for every outcome.
6. Worthy Enough With Money: Receiving Without Having to Earn Your Place
For some women, giving feels easier than receiving.
It's easier to offer support than ask for it.
Easier to work extra hours than increase a fee.
Easier to care for someone else than spend money on your own needs.
Easier to be useful than to be supported.
If that sounds familiar, money may be touching something deeper than financial behaviour.
It may be touching worth.
Worthy Enough With Money explores the belief that your value depends on how much you give, how little you need or how well you meet other people's expectations.
This can become particularly complicated when money is connected with grief, inheritance, family loyalty or relationships.
Receiving may bring up gratitude and discomfort at the same time.
Setting a boundary may feel necessary and selfish.
Making a financial decision may create anxiety about how others will judge you.
Those feelings don't automatically mean the decision is wrong.
And they don't mean you should ignore your values or responsibilities.
They may simply deserve attention.
Receiving is not the same as taking too much
Imagine a therapist who feels uncomfortable charging her usual fee.
She knows the fee reflects her training, experience, time and business costs.
But when a client expresses disappointment, she immediately wants to reduce it.
A practical conversation might help her review the fee structure.
Therapeutic work might also explore what happens when another person wants something she cannot provide.
Can she remain caring without giving more?
Can she tolerate disappointment without assuming she has done something wrong?
Can she recognise her own needs alongside the needs of others?
The same questions can appear in families, workplaces and intimate relationships.
Try this: The Worthy Enough question
When you notice guilt about receiving, resting or setting a financial boundary, ask:
“Am I making this decision from my values, or from a fear that I must sacrifice something to remain acceptable?”
You may not know the answer immediately.
That's fine.
The question is an invitation to explore, not a test.
Worthy enough with money means your right to have needs, limits and support doesn't depend on being endlessly useful.
7. What Money Trauma Therapy Can Change ~ and What It Can't
Money trauma therapy may help you understand why certain financial situations bring up strong emotions, memories or protective responses.
It may support greater awareness, emotional regulation and choice.
It may help you explore patterns around earning, receiving, spending, saving, responsibility and self-worth.
But the changes are often quieter than people expect.
You may not suddenly love discussing money.
You may still dislike receiving bills.
You may still feel uncomfortable increasing your fees.
And you may continue to face genuine financial uncertainty.
What might change is your ability to stay present.
Perhaps you can open your banking app without avoiding it for days.
Perhaps you can pause before offering an unnecessary discount.
Perhaps you can ask for help earlier.
Perhaps you can make a decision without spending hours criticising yourself afterwards.
Perhaps you can recognise when a financial problem needs practical action rather than more emotional processing.
The practical reality still matters
Not every financial difficulty is trauma-related.
Sometimes the numbers really don't add up.
Sometimes you're underpaid.
Sometimes a business model isn't sustainable.
Sometimes caring responsibilities are placing real pressure on your finances.
Sometimes financial control or abuse is still happening.
In those situations, therapy alone is not enough.
You may need financial counselling, accounting advice, legal support, safety planning or changes to your circumstances.
In Australia, the National Debt Helpline offers free financial counselling for people experiencing financial difficulty.
A trauma-informed approach should never suggest that you can regulate your way out of structural inequality, coercion or financial hardship.
Nor should it treat every concern about money as a psychological block.
Sometimes your discomfort is giving you useful information about a situation that needs to change.
Good therapy helps distinguish an old protective response from a present-day problem that deserves action.
Frequently Asked Questions About Money Trauma Therapy
What is money trauma?
Money trauma is an informal term used to describe distress associated with financial experiences such as deprivation, instability, financial abuse, loss, shame or coercion.
It isn't a standalone mental health diagnosis.
Not everyone who experiences financial anxiety has trauma, and not every money difficulty requires trauma therapy.
Can money trauma affect you even if you earn a good income?
Yes.
Current income doesn't necessarily determine how financially secure someone feels.
A person may have a stable financial position while experiencing fear, avoidance or shame associated with earlier experiences.
However, it's important to consider present-day circumstances rather than assuming the response is entirely historical.
Can money trauma therapy help with undercharging?
It may help you explore emotional and relational responses associated with naming or receiving a fee.
That could include fear of disappointing someone, discomfort with receiving or beliefs about the ethics of caring work.
Therapy doesn't determine the correct price for your services. Practical business considerations still matter.
Is money trauma therapy the same as financial therapy?
Not necessarily.
Financial therapy is a broader field that explores psychological and behavioural aspects of financial wellbeing.
Money trauma therapy is a more specific, informal description of therapeutic work focused on distressing experiences and responses associated with money.
Neither term automatically tells you which clinical approach a practitioner uses or what qualifications they hold.
Do I need EMDR or Brainspotting for money trauma?
Not necessarily.
The most appropriate approach depends on your circumstances, history, preferences and therapeutic needs.
EMDR may be relevant when distressing memories are central to the difficulty. Other people may benefit from relational therapy, parts-informed work, psychological support or practical financial assistance.
Brainspotting is another emerging approach that some practitioners use, but it doesn't have an established evidence base specifically for money trauma.
What if I understand my money patterns but still can't change them?
Insight is valuable, but behaviour can also be influenced by emotion, habit, relationships, circumstances and responses learned through experience.
Therapy may help you explore those additional dimensions.
It doesn't mean understanding your pattern was pointless.
It may mean there are other parts of the experience worth including.
Does money trauma therapy mean talking about childhood?
Not always.
Some people find earlier experiences are relevant.
Others want to work with a recent financial event, a present-day trigger or a future goal.
A thoughtful therapeutic process follows what's relevant rather than assuming every money difficulty must lead back to childhood.
A Different Relationship With Money Is Possible
I don't believe the goal is to become somebody who never worries about money.
Money matters.
Our choices have consequences.
And financial uncertainty is part of life.
What interests me more is whether money can become something you relate to with greater choice and less internal punishment.
Can you look at the numbers without making them a judgement about your worth?
Can you charge a considered fee without needing everyone to approve?
Can you receive support without automatically feeling indebted?
Can you rest without believing that rest threatens your security?
Can you recognise an old protective pattern without handing it control of every decision?
And can you make room for the practical reality of money alongside the emotional and relational experiences it brings up?
My own experiences have taught me that being capable doesn't mean carrying everything alone.
And my professional development has strengthened my interest in approaches that consider the whole person — thoughts, emotions, relationships, embodied experience and circumstances.
That's the heart of the Enoughness framework.
Safe Enough With Money: I don't have to solve everything while overwhelmed.
Good Enough With Money: I can be responsible without being responsible for everything.
Worthy Enough With Money: I don't have to earn my right to have needs, limits or support.
Sometimes what changes through money trauma therapy isn't the amount of money you have.
It's the relationship you have with yourself when money enters the room.
And that can be a meaningful place to begin.
Ready to Explore Your Relationship With Money?
If you're recognising yourself in these patterns, and you're tired of having the same internal conversation whenever money comes up, we can explore what's happening underneath the numbers.
My approach draws on Relational-Integrative EMDR, Brainspotting, somatic awareness, parts-informed work and relational therapy, depending on what feels appropriate for you.
Sometimes the work involves processing distressing experiences.
Sometimes it involves understanding family or relational patterns.
Sometimes it's about building capacity for a future you want to move towards.
And sometimes the next step is practical support rather than trauma processing.
A 30-minute Let's Connect Session gives us space to explore what you're experiencing and consider a safe enough next step.
Investment: $97 AUD
Online | 30 minutes
